Pleasantly Mistaken Undertaker X Reader (oneshot)

      “This can't be right.” Dropping your basket of clothing to the street, you double and triple checked the address. After checking the adress a few more times, you looked up at the building and sighed to yourself. “I guess this has to be the place. The numbers match. This town really is odd.” Shrugging off your concerns, you picked your basket back up and pushed open the door. Not even fully inside, you knew you'd come to the wrong building. “I knew it.”

“Knew what, love?” A strange creaking sound erupted from a dark purple coffin. “And what are you doing in my house hmm? I don't remember having any appointments for today.” Bright green eyes glared at you from within the darkness of the coffin. As it opened further, fear took over you. You didn't know why you were so terrified, but you had to get out of there and you had to get out now. You dropped your basket, spilling laundry all over the floor, and turned to run. “Going so soon?” Just before you were out of reach, a strong hand gripped your shoulder and pulled you back into the house. “Don't you want your things?”

Still scared for reasons you didn't quite understand, you stuttered as you tried to speak. “O-oh, yes.” You blushed at the sight of your undergarments strew across his floor.

“Not that I mind if you want to leave them here.” Chuckling in a strange, almost unnerving way, he picked up a pair of your panties and stretched the between his hands. “I think you might be needing these though, don't you?” He cackled again. “And you still haven't answered me, why are you here, hmm? You don't look dead at all.”

“Give those back you pervert.” Too upset and embarrassed to be even slightly scared, you roughly snatched your clothes away from him in a huff and stuffed them deep into the pile of other clothes. Never before had you been so grateful that you took so much pride in thoroughly washing your laundry. “I'm new in town and thought this was the laundromat. I need to have some of my clothing altered.”

His laughter only intensified with your words. “Laundromat? Didn't you see the sign? Or can people not read where you're from?” Moving closer to you, he ran a long black fingernail from your temple down to your chin, finally stopping at the center of your chest. “Poor urchin, you'll never make it without a proper education.”

“I can read just fine, thank you. Better than most, if I'm going to be completely honest with you.” You raised your voice angrily, stepping back from his prodding fingers. “There was no sign on this building, I looked just to be sure. This was the address I was given.” Shoving the crumpled piece of parchment in the palm of his hand, you gave an annoyed snort and crossed your arms. “Here, see for yourself.”

“No sign hmm? Must have fallen again. It does that quite a lot really.” After a quick glance down at the paper, he shook his head with a smile on his abnormally pale face. “No, no love, that's not my address at all. You've got it all wrong, you do. This here's a three, you mistook it for a five.”

"Are you serious?" Embarrassed at the simple mistake and the way you'd gotten so upset with him, you slumped over and sighed. “Then where am I exactly?”

“Well, now, that's a right good question. You're at my home, and seeing as I'm the Undertaker, that would make this morgue." He chuckled again, sending a shiver down your spine. "Not a very good place to bring your unmentionables now is it?” He tilted his head to the side and continued smiling.

“Not at all.” You took a deep breath in and reached down for your things. “Thank you for pointing out my mistake, I'll let you be now. I apologize for the inconvenience.”

“Come now, I won't have any of that.” The Undertaker grabbed hold of your arm and pulled you to a small wooden table. “I can't have you barging into my home unannounced and not serve you a bit of tea now can I? I am a civilized man after all.”

You tried to refuse his offer only to be immediately hushed. “I would stay, but I still have my lau-.”

“Quiet now, there's no arguing with me in my home. Have some manners girl.” As he fetched the already hot water from the fire and set the table with plates, spoons, cups, and anything else needed for tea, he hummed a light, happy tune. Strangely enough, he seemed glad for your company. “Don't mind the dust now, a little bit of dirt never hurt a soul.”

“Of course not.” Despite agreeing with him, you couldn't keep yourself from wiping out your cup the second he wasn't looking.

Once the tea was poured, the room filled with a strong, pleasant, almost minty fragrance. “Don't ask me what this is called, it's a special blend I make myself, and I haven't thought to name it yet. I probably never will either, seeing as it's just me here.” After placing a platter of biscuits on the table, he sat down in his chair and smiled at you. “So, tell me now, what brought you to this town?”

“Well, I was only supposed to be visiting relatives, but I enjoyed being here so very much, I couldn't bring myself to leave. Now there's just the issue of finding work and a place to stay.” Trying not to let your suspicions show through, you slowly took a sip of the fragrant tea. “This is absolutely delicious by the way.”

“That it is love.” Thinking to himself, the undertaker rapped his nails on the wooden table top. “If you need work, I could suggest a few places for you.” He stood to his feet, chuckling again and walked directly behind you. “But it's going to cost you.” Placing both hands on your shoulders, he leaned down close to you and whispered in your ear. “What do you say to that?”

Though his actions flustered you far more than they should have, you were still able to speak, even if your voice was weak and mousy. “That really does depend on what exactly it costs. I have very little money after all, seeing as I have no job.”

“I have no need for the queens dirty money.” He snorted,  for the first time,  seeming unhappy. That, however, didn't last long though. Only a second later he was giggling in your ear and tracing little circles on your cheek. “Now then, on to business. I'm not asking for anything much, but you are a fine specimen. For payment, I would like to pretty you up when you die.” He moved beside you and held out his hand. “Do we have a deal?”

His request was odd, to say the least, but really, he wasn't asking for much. Once you were dead and gone, it wouldn't matter anyway. “Sure.” You placed your hand in his and gave it a firm shake. “I see no reason why I should care what happens to me once I'm dead and gone. Now, about work.”

“Of course, I haven't forgotten.” Two names were written on a piece of tea stained paper and given to you. “Both of those people are always looking for a bit of help now and then. Though I ought to tell you now, once you've worked for one you won't be able to work for the other. They don't much like each other, so pick wisely.”

“Thank you, this is unbelievably helpful. I truly am glad I stumbled into your home.” After tucking the paper away in your pocket you stood from the table and prepared to leave. “If you don't find it offensive, or intrusive, I would very much like to visit with you again. You are a wonderful host, and your tea is simply astounding.”

“I'd like that quite a bit love. Not many people come for tea. I'll say it now though, the living don't hold much interest for me. You'll be much more interesting when you're dead.” Chuckling to himself, even though he seemed completely serious about his last statement, he opened the door for your departure. Unsure what to say, you simply nodded and began hastily making your way down the street to your current home. “What a nice girl she is. A bit forgetful, but that's not a bad thing. At least not for me.” Much to the Undertakers delight, in your haste, you'd completely forgotten about your basket. He began shuffling through your clothes with a wide perverted grin. “She'll have to come back now, but until she does, I think I'll have me a bit of fun.”